Category Archives: Los Angeles

CAPM Portfolio’s

I know how to build a Markowitz Weighted Portfolio, and how to ‘hack it’, just up the quantities associated with higher beta’s which represents the Risk Premium (i.e. how much over the Risk Free Rate is expected as return, aka known as risk premium of the market, based on the DGS3MO).

But I let it resolve to optimal sharpe ratio and simply display the beta’s as derived from MDYG (SP1500).

So based on CAPM Expected Return (Average Risk Premium for past 5 years is .0142 (1.42%), the CAPM return is 4.33% + 1.42% * Portfolio Beta of 1.00116592, which comes out to be 5.75% for next quarter.

A different forecast, one based on Markowitz simulations has 9% for next quarter.

Another forecast based on an expected return factor model forecasted results using a model that has 13% MAPE, the weighted forecasted return is 13% for next quarter (i.e. 13% +/- (13%^2) (i.e. 13% +/- 0.0169%)

What’s frustrating is knowing I hit the ball out of the park when it comes to CAPM portfolio’s and Markowitz, but to know that those in academia that actively trade are not fans of the material they are hamstrung to teach. So I get various strong opinions about what works. Very cult of personality about methodologies, but not me. I’m open to trying as much as I can just for the opportunity to learn.

The Inefficient Stock Market is a gold mine in terms of what factors to look for. I’ve been doing my own research (FRED data, commodities, foreign exchanges, indexes, sectors, SP1500 prices, fundamentals, financial statements, Critiques of Piotroski, French Fama 3 and 5 Factor Models, Arbitrate Pricing Theory). The book suggests improved/revised factor models using a mix of financials and fundamentals offering 30 to look out for.

If it works and proves to match the projected expected returns within the risks shown. Then this could be used to borrow money on margin call knowing your returns are modeled/controlled for and you can make money on the spread, but it’s risky. Borrowed money is usually at the Risk Free Rate, so you aim for a risk premium return by controlling for risk.

The philosophy behind the filters is, “this vs that. Bifurcation.” Split everything somewhat subjectively to a simple filter no matter how complex the calculation is on the back end, aka a 1 or 0 is coded for every value with default being 0 (such as na’s), and add these filters together across ETF’s and sift the top results. Which allows me to focus on revising and expanding individual logic in factors encapsulated in sql and/or python files. For example modifying thresholds which affect proportion of occurrence for a given factor(field). If query logic is based on median’s, it’s easy to get 50% of the values every time for each factor.

Went to LA/Long Beach

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Stayed in LA over MLK Weekend

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made some money setting these up for a customer

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got some dental work done
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VA Long Beach Outpatient Clinic Consolidation - Long Beach, CA | Our  Projects (SJ Amoroso Construction Co., LLC)
Even went to the VA for dehydration!
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Queen of the Hill

Life is a continuous story. We move forward on our trials and learn lessons along the way.

Peace comes when we allow the past that wishes to be remain there.

I struggle w normal life, i.e. letting go of a plethora of friends in youth forced to focus on a handful later. I wasn’t close with my own family growing up and I can tell I tried to fill that void at work. Battle of attrition.

Its like a Chinese finger trap. The more I struggled against life’s expectations of finding oneself just with their family. The more I fulfilled the prophecy.



Abstract background of cracked glass | Free Vector

Short Version

They (att contract work) gave me exposure to the job and skills I wanted but I fucked it up for a multitude of reasons and so they removed that opportunity.

That’s the cold hard truth.

My priveleged entitled self didnt make the cut, so they knocked me down a peg by laying me off which was a blow to my ego. It’s just no one wanted to admit that was the reason, but I knew.

If I was in their shoes I would have done the same thing. I wasnt acting right for the opportunity. I wasnt “ready”. The hardest part is asking myself if I’m ready now or ever would be ready. I like to think I am. Yet I find myself complaining over the complexity of the work I have now and wishing it was more specific to data science. I have it good here where I’m at with plenty of opportunities abound. I just am the new guy right now and I’m anxious about that.

Long Version

When I made the calls to get back to work at AT&T under contract. I was called back about 2 weeks later and 1 week before I was about to start and told by the CEO of the contracting company that there was a lot of talk about “woman x” and if I was “planning anything”.

Can you imagine…

Yeah. It was crazy. I said no as I wasn’t planning anything (I didnt even know if she was there until he told me we were starting the same day), but the gears got turning.

Who the fuck said something that the CEO of the company that was bringing me on was notified by someone on AT&T about “woman x”?


I was shown a very good opportunity while I was there. Exposure to C suite and devops and even data science.

I acted right up until I didn’t

But first, an important piece of information. I was using marijuana often enough and for long enough that it wasn’t properly leaving my system from day to day.

Shortly after meeting “woman x” I just cracked. By cracked I mean exhumed the biggest fucking ego this side of the world has ever seen.

I had meetings with the C suite on the work I was doing which was new to me (managing software projects). The problem with that type of environment is they just hoist big stuff on you with no warning because they get a feel for the workload you can handle. Of course they had no idea about my marijuana use.

I was catatonic during these meetings. I don’t think I flopped on my face, but I was nervous af and didn’t really contribute much. I knew what I needed to, but I knew what was going on, they were evaluating me. If you don’t do well under contract they usually just dismiss you, but in my case they were actually surprised and for some reason expected me to resign (they missed the fact, despite being 1099, I still had a usable open UI claim). In my opinion it’s because they would have been able to reuse the funds they got for me on another candidate. Instead they got hit with a cut and a hiring freeze for the rest of the year.

The marijuana mixed in with what I believe were concussion symptoms which were rearing there ugly head from an earlier skateboarding accident years ago which led to hypomania. A grand ego to deflect any sense of shame or responsibility for my actions.

Knowing I wasn’t supposed to interact with her, this woman had become a trigger for stress. A person who used to be a fix for my stress at work became a stressor to me. We used to hang out occasionally and smoke marijuana together and just talk about shit and for me that was a high in itself.

AFTER I failed to impress the c suite. I started stoking the fires on my social media about dominatrix’ and what have you to see if I could get a rise out of her and to get me laid off because I didn’t want to be there anymore. The failure of the friendship and failing to impress the c suite got to me, but I wasn’t going to resign because I wouldn’t get unemployment.

I bring all this up because it was very hard for me to accept responsibility for my actions because I didn’t want to admit the state I was in. I had become dependent on marijuana and then metaphorically fell for a siren. It wasn’t her fault. She had no interaction with me, but I let it be. It was what Jung describes as anima possession. I wasn’t contending with her, her lack of response became a placeholder for my paranoid subconscious shadow projections (dominatrix) which led to my downfall. Aka the siren motif.

That’s what I’ve been contending with over the past year. Knowing I was so close to having the things I worked so hard for right in my grasp and I fell on my face because of my own issues. I had to accept the fact that I was flawed and deeply mired in them at the time. The hypomania was a deflection of taking any responsibility.

Either way. Its been hard to accept the fact that I failed in the moment it counted. Mark Manson in the book “the Subtle Art of not giving a fuck” talks about being in love with the product/outcome but not the process (hard work). That was me in my hypomanic state. I wanted the outcome without the effort. I totally flopped because I was in a bad state. I cried about not getting what I thought I deserved and didn’t want to take responsibility for my own failures as to why I didn’t get them so I wouldn’t have to take a hard look at myself.

So this is what I’ve been thinking about lately. Do I really want those things? I have new opportunities in a different space now. Will I do the hard work no matter the sacrifice if the opportunity presents itself? In all fairness I should stop being so hard on myself, I get the impression that Mark Manson’s book would recommend to do the same (don’t presume exceptionalism all the time). I shouldn’t have to think I need to “sacrifice” in order to gain. I blamed the focus on my school as to why I couldn’t perform, which had some truth to it, but it wasn’t all the truth. All the truth is it was school, my father’s death, this woman, and marijuana all wrapped up into one which lead to my failures to perform and I chose school as the only thing I could focus on and accomplish.

The most important take away is understanding my weakness’ so I hopefully don’t repeat them.

I also was able to turn these negative events into a rebirth/refocus/recover move by liquidating, paying my loans, and building in Mexico so I could have a chance at a renewed round 2.

Icarus, Adam & Eve Myth

Öèôðîâàÿ ðåïðîäóêöèÿ íàõîäèòñÿ â èíòåðíåò-ìóçåå

I sometimes think the icarus myth is a metaphor for falling from grace

And there is a correlate w adam and eve and sexuality

That picture summed it up without getting into detail. The harpies and sirens

He consummated passionately and was judged for it (the fall from grace)

Similar to what happened w adam and eve. The fruit… the fruit of a woman.

Throwing aside the shutters of the protestant work ethic and consuming the ripe fruit of a woman is the fall

But… I think… its within a certain context that isnt mentioned. Maybe adultery or taking something that is not his own. That part isnt spelled out. But those are the common motifs I’ve identified w

Or disregarding having a healthy respect for established rules and indulging ones unreasoned passions in a fit of inflation is the lesson being taught

There is a reason for the protestant work ethic. Harmony.

Indulge the unconscious passions in seclusion

There is a reason it’s in the unconscious

Maybe the lesson is if you knowingly acknowledge sexuality openly you are cast out. Or… having done so and become shameful you are cast out

You either be a player about it or you keep it to yourself

But there is no room for being openly shameful about it

That’s the pretext everyone lives up to. No one openly acknowledges it

I recall a feeling a falling when I held back on revealing my mistress to my former friend.
As if knowing there was no going back. Shutting that door and knowing the emotional scar it was going to leave
Acting in anger
Eddinger says a feeling of falling in dreams is the icarus motif. The fall of ego inflation to alienation.
The fall from grace

I addendumed the fall from grace bit

Knowing I was reveling in my act of vice for revenge purposes was a willful fall from grace (inflated state to a guilty alienated state). The act of capitalizing in the vice is the guilt trip fall leading straight into alienation

I held back but did reveal it. that’s when I felt the falling

Active imagination is all liminal. Hekate, underworld.

I’m watching some tutorials on tech. I can’t help but think these guys are super nerdy and lack people/woman skills

The idea struck me that society is set in such a way that we pair off. There isnt much purpose in being adept at women skills in that scenario

So….this gets back to adam and eve. the knowledge of good and evil, the fruit. That’s what the fruit symbolizes. Not the toil of ones labor that adam is shortly to pursue afterwards (protestant work ethic), but the taboo knowledge of sexuality that eve shared w adam.
I get the impression that that’s what the story is about

Anima Mundi

“I was going through a period of intense hypomania while using medical marijuana and quite possibly experiencing the effects of tbi of the left frontal lobe (knocked myself out while skateboarding) which was exacerbated from the marijuana (mood, analytical thinking, emotion regulation, impulse regulation) and I read Bruce MacLennan’s work (Individual Soul and World Soul) that right brain is more in tune w associative pattern recognitions (poetic license, analyze myths for common motifs) and I’m reading jung’s Archetypes (bellinger series) and turns out I was experiencing what Maclennan and Jung term “active imagination” as well as Katabasis (descent to the underworld) and now understand why Hekate is associated with the underworld (liminal means the uncontrolled thoughts that come to mind, often archetypal heros of the past, hence underworld connection). I made an art piece that expressed a coniunctio as well as the goddesses Hekate, Isis, and Tiamat along with Hypatia.

Edward Edinger says “Self axis and the symbolic life are encountered through the inferior function, the weakest portion of the personality. Only by awareness and acceptance of our weakness do we become conscious of something beyond he ego which supports it.”

The inferior function is ego alienation (follows ego inflation, the subsequent fall stemming from outward rejection by one’s peers, the Icarus effect). Which results in a “abaissement du niveau mental”, aka the inferior function is accessed.

Anyways. Thought it would be worth mentioning. I found it very spiritual and have contemplated on its meaning since. I believe in the gods from these periods of active imagination as I believe they were telling me something, guiding me, showing me a path from the unconscious on where hopes for my future lied.”

The timing bit for otherwise unconnected events seems to be orchestrated in a meaningful way

I happened to meet her twice before the vp exhuming I was ready merely to fall apart in a manic mess followed by an inflated ego and to save it from crashing goddess tangent writes me an email moments before my layoff

All that shit felt like cosmic timing

Because the cosmos knew it had Mexico lined up for me

I met vera bambi at LAX on my way to see my dying dad in the hospital

My failed jewish friendship led me to a Muslim virgin when I beseeched metatron

All these things were what [wolfgang] pauli gets at about signs and you said was magical idealism

Maclennan talks about signs and symbols

Maclennan talks about signs and symbols

Symbols are archetypal subjective

Signs are objective words

Signs are labels

Both are theurgy, signs sit under symbols. I’ve read a book on philosophy about computer cognition and how that all fits in (and why I think neoplatonism is pre computer science, aka nous as a database). Anyways. All these were signs in my life. And pauli said events and ideas. I said events, people (being), places, ideas, and add emotion (eros)

o some of my theurgical symbols involved active imagination (hekate, goddess tangent, Hypatia) and symbolons (metatron, seed of life. And I was laid off on hypatias day of death. I was in tj on voltaires bday renewing my fmm and I beseeched him the day I used the metatron

Hell the day I revealed the virgin mistress was on good friday/passover and i had no clue!

Which is why I made my business card w the star of David, crescent moon, and cross

I think its code too meant to be consumed by cosmic agents (minds)

When hypatias death day rolled around [the day of my layoff]. That was the one time I knew what was going on. I knew what that day meant and I wasnt scared

I had trust[pistis], a chaldean virtue

I feel the gods revealed themselves to me

When I found out hekate was anima mundi…

I did a mental doubletake

I’ve always cherished the idea of anima mundi

Its [anima mundi] akin to this Jewish guys work

Abiotic genesis, jeremy england

The suns Ray’s excite enough energy and particles self organize

And eventually lead to life

Sex and the Office Power Moves

I think the reason I hypothetically upset J***, C******, and T** was in their eyes they are the gatekeepers to everyone’s hope, an opportunity at full time.
So if I came in there and said I was ok with getting laid off cuz I’d still get my masters, was an insult to their opportunity which they viewed as the best they could offer anyone (exposure to CICD and C suite). They wanted me to integrate there with my masters.
I truly believe the reason everyone acted the way they did by turning a blind eye to the affair was its expected in Abrahamic patriarchy culture to objectify women. Even S***** acknowledged that by turning a blind eye to my return (this I didnt know at the time) because she exhumes that lifestyle. However with me I did feel guilty and was violating the patriarchy’s unspoken rule of objectification is expected and simultaneously violated the republican rule “keep it yourself” to scandal.
“Sex and the Office” says women caught sleeping their way to the top are halted generally once outted.
I think it’s okay to have sex in the workplace but the way its discusses imo is from a patriarchial sanctioned “don’t ask don’t tell” POV.
Which creates this anxiety in people about it and it remains very much a power move.

Selected Response: “that is absolutely true. But desperate times man… I’ve certainly been presented with the opportunity to do so, but don’t want to subjugate myself to whims of some dude on a power trip.”**

At that point all hell broke loose coupled with the fact I didn’t care for the opportunity* and was creating scandal with talk of dominatrix, I think that’s when the uppers gave their blessing to let those angry at me have at it. They did what is always done in criminal cases. Try to get former friends to turn on each other, let them do the dirty work for you. To get them to show they are hungry for an opportunity and willing to get their hands dirty. That’s my best guess.
*I thought they misinterpreted me, that I didn’t want it. I did its just that I was truly mentally ill from seeing her and it was hurting me psychologically with insomnia and mania daily. But they didn’t care. It violated their world view which expected me to be a player about it. But that’s the thing. I’m a soft heart (I can be mean, though usually unintentionally by usually just walking away from a relationship (ghosting), ironically, but lately I’ve tried to be more mature about it and am on the other end of the spectrum where I can’t walk away). Idk I just can’t be mean to someone I loved (I can be passive aggressive and make things uncomfortable though). I can’t block it out. That to me is being disingenuous to oneself and I feel corporate life expects you to swallow your emotions because they wanted to prove to everyone that emotions won’t get you paid
It’s kind of like saying women want to be respected but then you see classic objectifiers fucking the women you admire at work… I had a white knight savior complex only to be friend zoned and discarded which taught me that the paradigm I was using does not get me to the desired end goal (nice guys finish last) which was at least continued friendship so I had the affair and fulfilled the expectations of the very thing I didn’t like. Patriarchy. It was very traumatic for me in a way
It’s a turn on to be objectified but people want to use it in certain contexts that benefit them (cost benefit analysis)
**My friend confirmed it is a power move and some women think they have to sleep their way to the top
So power is attraction
I got the distinct impression she was doing it for power because people would tell me she got around, plus the fact that she was giving me personal time, yet when I naively told her I had feelings for her (after hanging out 1:1 multiple times). She started to distance herself. Like I was breaking some unspoken rule. I think she then classed me as a nice “married” guy who wasn’t going to make a move and lost interest cuz I obviously wasn’t a power move nor a Don Draper to her anymore

I think I touched the 3rd rail. Whoever obliged her power moves.

Attraction is power.

I have a harrowing story.

Im warned about not engaging a woman I’ve had a history with before I got the job. Someone who I had a Muslim affair over. A sephardic jewish woman. I’m merely asked “you aren’t planning anything are you?” Of which I respond no.

I’m told by an att mgr that I’m not an employee but a contractor under lws. Why? I never spoke about anything like this except on linkedin where I said I was going back to work at att. Next day I mention to a senior sys admin (who I suspected was the tattle tale/spy as he was my most recent att add while at quadranet and a hard ass in general) that I thought peeps were looking at my social media. Mums the word afterwards but I clarified on social media that despite eating, working, and emailing alongside everyone, I was not an employee 

The director even made a comment about not using social media at work (3 am was when I’d make my posts)

Motive?: “I’m in meetings with brass and all I can think about are what cufflinks to bring you” me to goddess tangent on twitter while in a meeting w both my director and his vp. Oh ye I also hashtagged #usmc to tangent. She looks just like her.

Why? Because I had the distinct impression I was being honey potted and had eyes on my social media and I was just an anxious mess from too much thc in my system from chronic daily use (2 years). I texted this mgr asking for a lunch meet. He delayed one week. I made an even bigger stink afterwards for exactly 1 week cuz I felt I failed at not just 1 chance but 2 to impress him (vp). I was also bitter about losing my job last contract while my dad was sick who eventually died and verbally stated I had no loyalties to that job because of it. I quoted an athenian spartan poet about conspiracies (undetected plans that thwart an enemy are divine or something like that) before this all started too.

“They plotted evil deeds and suffered unforgettably. There is such a thing as vengeance from the gods, and blessed is the man who, being reasonable, weaves the web of the day without weeping.”

-Alcman 7th Century BCE spartan immigrant poet

From p 6 Spartan Women by Sarah B Pomeroy

Also when I made the tweets/ig posts. My director said once something about not wasting anyones time (were they looking at my posts?) as he was giving me different tasks as I was slowly being removed from the tools I was in charge of. Around that time he approached me once as if to see my reaction and just walked away.

Then what appeared to be macabre social media death threats on both instagram and facebook occur. 3 in total, I deleted the fb one block the instagram one that happened maybe 6 times in one day.

Same day I set to buy a firearm first time ever

Within the 2 weeks to clear the background check for the firearm I’m pulled over on m way home from work (still within the area of work) by the la sherrif and asked if I have anything illegal in the car. I plead the fifth, they ask why. I ask for a lawyer. Held for 45 minutes in a (thank god) visible neighborhood. My paranoia has me feeling like it was related to my social media. They let me go w a taillight ticket and afterwards I find a glowstick in the backseat but dismiss it.
Note: Sherrif equals cufflinks

Then someone at work who I’m not talking with (friends w said woman mentioned earlier, also usmc vet) stares me down the next day from across the open area who I know has connections with the police (told through said woman). Odd.

I tell everyone I pleaded the 5th to the sherrif

I would see people checking their phones before I’d come in and then stop when they see me. So I made my instagram private, feeling remorseful after the week of posts, my lead changed his behavior towards me afterwards. For example he went from saying he didnt like me to saying he wanted to help me. A peer made comments about me liking social media a lot and that whatever floats someone’s boat shouldnt be a work issue.

Then within 2 days I think I’m given a layoff notice. I make my twitter private. Someone tries to login in to my twitter the next day (email alert)

I start asking questions. There is one person (former friend at this point) who tells me that same att mgr who played dumb w me at lunch (when I tell him my therapy is about a failed friendship and I’m feeling guilty over social media posts so i say this person is a marketing major and the vp is looking for that. Aka a bone) knows my whole backstory 

The male att mgr told me it wasn’t work performance and he was surprised at the reason but they later changed the reason they gave me to lifo.

A little before I’m to be laid off. This mgr asks me when my interview w DreamWorks is. I tell him. 

A female mgr that is my friend said at lunch on my way out that the upper team had egos and that my actions were disgraceful (as opposed to the narrative of reduction in staff, last in first out).

My last day of work I told that mgr I didnt believe the reason I was given as to why I was being laid off. Apologized to said woman who said she didnt care. I’m asked for my laptop password, didnt give it to them but deleted non relevant files and left self logged in. See said woman talking to my lead who is on the phone looking at me…

I leave escorted by a long time friend who i say goodbye from my car who oddly enough opens my glove compartment and shuffles stuff around. But I dont think anything of it. Friend is a guy who had sexual relations w this woman and employed by that same director. My hunch is the low level (paying) enforcer more or less

I interview at DreamWorks where i think all is going well until they mock my skills thru an hr rep–for a desktop support role–and have the gall to ask me how I feel. The catch here is I posted on reddit on r/femdom 3 posts about dominatrix and what have you. So its entirely plausible they merely looked at my reddit history but it’s a handle and not my name directly. Tbqh I didnt want to do the 2 hr commute anyways.

Something doesnt fit 

I inquire about my old job at quadranet. I’m told they wont hire me and there director wont say why. The person I inquired to no longer speaks w me now.

3 weeks later while at a customers looking for a screwdriver I find a vial w an unknown white substance in my glove compartment. I immediately go home show my wife and a lawyer, call 4 friends for advice, then throw it away in a dumpster at a random restaurant and then blast about it on instagram. Same day I get a message from that female manager friend from att asking me a stupid server ip question. Directors social media profile goes dark, person who stared me down profile goes off facebook and linkedin (I created a new account just to look).

I made the call then and there to say f this corporate american way of life I’m going through all my stuff, selling my car, and moving my family to safety 

My guess is as a 1099, att didnt like the culture mess I was spinning on my social media (female domination dominatrix lol, hot topic. I already knew everyone was talking about her and i) after being covertly vetted for exec role (masters) or to see if I was going to talk about this woman who I was warned about not engaging before I got the job, or maybe they were just mad at that in itself as I didnt engage her and they were hamstrung. My guess is my lineup of questions to people to uncover some semblance of incongruent truths was why they asked for my password (chat history). No way to know for sure.

I’ve heard of people being blacklisted and I felt weird things were happening and felt people were not being forthcoming about it. So I didnt want to stick around and find myself homeless. I had equity and property in mexico. If these people had connections w sherrifs time to pull my parachute

A few weeks after I move. I remove all connections from att. That buddy who was in my car never spoke w me aside from me reaching out. When I went no contact. Not a peep. Yet when I was initially laid off he was heavily viewing my fb story (thanks fb for showing me who be looking)

Immature? Yes. Could I claim disability discrimination–if I wasnt 1099–for a hypersexual borderline and manic bipolar episode? Yes as I had chronic insomnia because of it which was leading to these posts as well as anxiety. Daily 3 am. Racing thoughts and multiple therapists to confirm the diagnosis.

Room 641a


Posidonius’ Cosmic Sympathy

Those fateful words spoken not by me

But by he

who stood next to her after my apology

Without shame nor fear

or a glance

I walked past her

To shake his hand

So she could see

it was he

I was thanking for

Cosmic Mexican irony